The Bullington Diatribe Chronicles will run occasionally for the amusement of some, the facepalming of many others, and the inconvenience of all. The following is satire….obviously.

Several former Republican officials banded together this week, in a rare showing of resolve, with the stated purpose of getting Joe Biden elected President…I’m actually not kidding, this is a real thing now. The group, comprised of former Trump and Bush era administration members under the command of a half-corporeal John McCain a la Emperor Palpatine, is targeting voters in swing states throughout the Midwest and South in an effort to deny Trump his 2016 path. The super PAC, affectionately named ‘The Right Side’ in ode to their self-aggrandized sense of moral worth, made major inroads with voters on Tuesday by gaining Anthony Scaramucci as one of their major donors and spokesmen, because we all know how much the heartland loves to have big-city New Yorkers talking down to them.

Among the major points stressed by the Far Side, hehe, I mean Right Side, is an appeal to Joe Biden’s moderate tone and folksy good-naturedness. Said Scaramucci, “He’s a good fella, ya know. Real swell, nice smile. Not sure if he’s still breathin’. May actually just be a sprouting potato in that webcam, but that’s beside the point.” The Mooch was also quoted as saying he was “very confident that we can convince a large group of Republican voters that Biden is the right person to vote for if they want to stay true to their principles and to the legacy of the Republican Party, time-honored principles such as inflaming race relations across the nation, returning the country to the slow death gurgle of European-style socialism, and advocating for the continued mass slaughter of our weakest and most helpless members of society, namely babies.” The Mooch further warned that reelecting Trump, “may set up the Republican party to be a minority party for a generation whereas not reelecting him will only spell the end for some of our most cherished institutions.”

Biden’s commitment to military alliances and solid diplomacy was another talking point for the Darkseid, sorry, Right Side, as members stressed, but also discussed Biden’s foreign policy accomplishments, most notably his famous 12-round beat down of Ivan Drago in Rocky IV. The Breakfast Club, er, Right Side also seeks to highlight Biden’s Catholic faith, a claim that drew protest not only from Catholics but from Mr. Biden himself, who was found wandering unattended around a local pagoda. Founder Matt Borges later clarified The Children of Thanos, (sigh), the Right Side’s purpose stating, “We’re not trying to become Democrats; we just think life was better when we were in power and not these yuppie schmucks running circles around us now.” In all, the race’s plot now thickens as voters weigh November’s choice between Donald Trump and whoever Joe Biden ends up picking as Vice President.