For some silly reason, CNN’s Jake Tapper decided to ask the candidates what their Secret Service codename would be if they won the presidency. Rarely funny, and generally painful, their answers didn’t exactly jump off the page. Here are my offerings:

Carson–Scissorhands or Scalpel
Trump–Bombast
Christie–StayPuft
Paul–EyePatch
Fiorina–Stiletto
Rubio–Hobbs
Jeb–Eggo
Huckabee–Gantry
Kasich–Marbles
Cruz–Pyro
Walker–Cheesehead