The Republicans, like locusts, descend onto the land, in search of the syrupy nectar that might sustain them–two parts money and one part polling numbers. Still months away from Iowa, both Rick Santorum (PA) and George Pataki (NY) have announced their candidacies for the GOP nomination. More (Walker, Christie, Kasich, Bush, Jindal, Carson) are poised to join them.

I think this makes eight official candidates, or maybe seventeen. I am not sure which. This whole thing begs for a reality show approach. I am already hankering to give some of them the golden boot off the island. Yes, my reality show references are stale. I am actually proud of that, mind you. If they were current, that might suggest I watch reality television. I don’t.

Neither Santorum nor Pataki seem well-positioned to win the thing. Santorum managed to be the runner-up to Mitt Romney in 2012, and he is probably a better campaigner than most candidates. However, he and Huckabee are shooting for the same voters. Two socially conservative populists enter the octagon and only one leaves. My money is on Huckabee unless the Duggar fiasco drags him down.

Pataki is even more mysterious, but he will probably throw everything into New Hampshire and pray for a miracle. His problem? Besides being out of office for a decade, he seems an ideological stranger in a strange land. If Jeb Bush gives conservatives the willies, expect Pataki to induce only polite scorn. I just don’t see this as a serious campaign, but more power to him. Pataki was a long-time governor of New York–as a Republican, so this merits some praise. But the squishy qualities that made that possible are the same ones that will doom his national campaign.

One question sort of hangs over all of this. Why are so many Republicans running? The rational part of me thinks they would only run if they believe they can win. In this sense, the numbers may indicate some perceived vulnerabilities in Hillary and the Democrats. Of course, some of these candidates have no chance to win, but they will still run either because no one is being honest with them or because they have a different motivation. Maybe they want to change jobs. Herman Caine parlayed his failed bid into a radio show and a new career. Maybe they want to sell books. Maybe they want to make a difference and think this is the way to do it. Maybe they are actually hoping for a cabinet post or a spot on the ticket.

Maybe for some, there is nothing else to do. You can imagine Pataki’s inner dialogue, right? “I could get started on that miniature replica of Antietam in the basement, or, I guess I could run for President.”

Who knows? Of all of them, Marco Rubio has real skin in the game. He has chosen not to run for re-election for his Senate seat, so either he wins the nomination, or he is out of a job. The others will go back to a governor’s mansion (Walker, Kasich, Christie) or to their cushy posts in the Senate (Cruz, Paul) or elsewhere.