I went to bed reading about one mass shooting and woke up hearing about another. Confused, I assumed the coverage was extended, but soon found out the second shooting took place in my geographical backyard. I am in Dayton regularly, though it feels far away from the village I call home. That distance shrank last night when my ten-year-old daughter, who was supposed to be asleep, stumbled into the family room and burst into tears, worried about the shooting. She needed assurance that she was safe. Her life carries the presumption of violence. She has ALICE drills at school, metal detectors and bag searches to get into government buildings, amusement parks, and sporting events, and backpacks built with kevlar inserts. Cold War kids had duck-and-cover drills to prepare for nuclear bombs, but atomic weapons have been used twice in world history. Mass shootings happen with a disconcerting regularity. Unbelievably, her fear did not even feel misplaced.

The policy arguments are well-worn, but I am all ears regardless. I am open to reasonable regulations in light of Second Amendment protections. I am open to better background checks, temporary restraining orders for those manifesting mental and psychological instability, or even a reconsideration of weapon types (though I think this one is much harder given the desire to protect hunters and those who use weapons for self-defense). The political reality is that both sides are dug into their policy positions in such a way that policy IS NOT THE SOLUTION. Unless the dynamics change, the policy debate is intransigent. Howling at public officials, even when the howls are justified and born out of tragic loss, has not worked.

Here is the cold, hard truth. We, The People, may need to consider what we can do on our own. Here is a short, ill-considered list.

• Teach our children, students, friends, relatives, and associates that human beings are valuable and sacred and then ACT on that belief. Democrats, Republicans, Greens, Libertarians, Christians, atheists, Buddhists, Muslims, Gay, straight–every race, color, or creed–they are all created in the Image of God and should be treated that way.
• When we talk about politics, we talk about ideas and people connected to those ideas. When we talk about the people, we must talk about them with respect and decency, even if they’ve done little to earn that respect. Some ideas deserve condemnation, but people rarely do.
• Get to know neighbors, even the unpleasant ones. I remember as a kid that as I rode my bike around the neighborhood, I was on a short leash. No, my Dad and Mom couldn’t see me, but everyone else could. If I was up to shenanigans, Dad and Mom would find out and there would be consequences. Communities, to the extent possible, need to police themselves more effectively, but they can’t do that if they exist in name only. Community requires relationships.
• If you own a firearm, be extremely responsible with it. Be sure to have proper training. Be sure anyone who ever touches your weapon has proper training. Keep a tight inventory on your weapons so if anything is missing, you know and you recover it or report it. Don’t sell weapons to someone without knowing who they are and what they intend to do with it. If they give you a bad feeling, don’t sell to them.
• When people are “off,” don’t ignore it. Don’t assume they are getting help from somewhere. Talk to them. Talk to their friends and family and be sure they get the help they need.
• Label hate for what it is. Don’t brush off racist jokes. Figure out how to disarm that hatred. Try to develop relationships even with those who come with hard edges. Many people are searching for community and they will find it somewhere. Give them a community of decent, respectful people so they don’t turn to online or offline hate groups.
• Turn off your phone. Shut your laptop. Watch movies together. Play games together. Sit on the front porch. Build a better family. If you don’t have a family, find one. If you can’t find one, ask a teacher, go to a church, or volunteer with a local charity. Seek human connections and build them into groups of fragile, needy people. Then, take care of each other.

I don’t suffer any illusion these things are easy or, even if implemented, they would cure the problem. I am also not pretending these are unique or original ideas. But I am convinced that our culture is producing too many people willing to murder in the name of a twisted ideology, or because they feel aggrieved and cast out from society. We have to work on people because the policy solutions, even if they exist, aren’t coming any time soon.