This week, you will be blessed, or cursed, with our voting choices. Each day, one of our writers will embrace the carnage that is 2016. Unlike Mrs. Clinton, we have decided transparency is best. Unlike Mr. Trump, we will pretend to be reasonable. Unlike Mr. Johnson, we promise not to be high while writing. Unlike Ms. Stein, we promise relevance. Most of all, we will treat this election with the gravity it deserves. As for me, I plan on writing mine as a haiku:

Skin glows rays of sun

His hair sprouts and waves, corn silk

Trump. Republican?

In the interim, enjoy the following “commercials.”